Fox News Correspondent
Unlike the algebra teacher, whose lessons apply to almost nothing, the Fox News Correspondent’s gibberish applies to literally nothing—not rationality, known facts, common sense, humanity. And neither do the fits and tantrums of a toddler. You could replace Steve Doocy with a child in the throes of a meltdown about wanting chocolate cake for breakfast and get the exact same amount of useful information about the Affordable Care Act or Benghazi. Plus, Fox & Friends already sounds like a kid’s show anyway.